The elements of gaslighting can be helpful to recognize if you suspect that this is occurring in your life. Below, are some important aspects to be aware of to prevent further psychological trauma and obtain the help you deserve.

Gaslighting is an abuse tactic that results in the sufferer questioning their own reality. It can happen in medical settings, romantic relationships, and even in the workplace. The concept of gaslighting has entered the public domain through “therapy speak” in social media and has become popularized by influencers who take on the role to inform the general public of mental health concepts.

“Gaslighting” originates in a 1930’s stage play turned motion picture where a husband mentally manipulates his wife into questioning her sanity by changing the brightness of the gas lamps in their home.

Gaslighting is known as an aspect of psychological abuse that causes someone to question their perception of reality. This concept should not be confused with poor interpersonal communication or dysfunction between two individuals with clashing personalities. It is known as a manipulation tactic where a person attempts to gain control over another by making them doubt themselves and their sanity. A false sense of reality is created in the process, and the sufferer may even start to question their own intuition.

GASLIGHTING IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS

Oftentimes a romantic partner will socially isolate the person they want to control using emotion to manipulate and deconstruct their character, efforts, or truths. They sometimes even accuse YOU of gaslighting. The perpetrator may minimize the sufferer’s feelings, emotions, or reactions, and blame, shame, and projection are often tactics as well.

MEDICAL GASLIGHTING

Medical gaslighting describes the dismissal and invalidation of an experience by a medical practitioner where health concerns are often attributed to psychological causes. Anxiety over medical procedures is often diminished, and a patient will often feel uncared for, unheard, and unsafe. Common phrases include, “It’s not that bad.” “It’s probably just…” “You will be fine.” “You are working yourself up.”

PROFESSIONAL GASLIGHTING

Gaslighting in the workplace can have a number of negative mental health consequences including burnout and reduced self-worth. This can occur within a toxic workplace environment housed by poor and unprofessional leadership. Common occurrences include:

1. Persistent negative accounts of issues with your performance and efforts.

2. Exclusion from resources that are required for you to do your job.

3. Questioning your own perception of workplace reality.

4. The person who is gaslighting, belittles efforts, emotions, or perceptions, and publicly displays your mistakes or makes a spectacle out of your negative qualities.

OVERCOMING:

• Calmly and assertively indicate that this behaviour will not be accepted.
• Create space from the situation.
• Collect evidence.
• Use the evidence to remain confident in your version of events.
• Focus on self-care.
• Consult a trusted person.
• Seek professional support.

By: Stef Wood M.A. R.P. (Qualifying)

If you or someone you know is experiencing suspected gaslighting click HERE to find support near you.

If you are in an immediate psychological crisis, please present yourself to your local emergency department.

For assistance with inter-partner violence/ abuse please visit:

https://findahelpline.com/ca/on/topics/abuse-domestic-violence

References:

Johnson, V. E., Nadal, K. L., Sissoko, D. G., & King, R. (2021). “It’s not in your head”: Gaslighting,‘splaining, victim blaming, and other harmful reactions to microaggressions. Perspectives on psychological science, 16(5), 1024-1036.

Sebring, J. C. (2021). Towards a sociological understanding of medical gaslighting in western health care. Sociology of Health & Illness, 43(9), 1951-1964.

Kukreja, P., & Pandey, J. (2023). Workplace gaslighting: Conceptualization, development, and validation of a scale. Frontiers in Psychology, 14, 1099485.

There is a science when it comes to adult attachment styles in romantic relationships. Exploring this can help strengthen bonds and identify some of your romantic behavioural patterns.

DECODING BEHAVIOUR IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS

The adult attachment theory consists of the secure, anxious, and avoidant attachment styles often bred by upbringing and past experiences. These styles impact the perception and reception of romantic gestures that either strengthen or weaken the connection with your partner. Understanding your attachment style allows you to understand and predict your own behaviour as well as others.

ABOUT ATTACHMENT THEORY

Establishing and maintaining close relationships are encoded in our DNA for survival. The attachment system is a biological mechanism that ensures social cohesion to help us survive, thrive and reproduce. In the book Attached by neuroscientist and psychiatrist Dr. Amir Levine, he explains relationship science known as “Attachment Theory.” This theory is constructed based on adult romantic attachment and behaviour.

Anxious Attachment: A preoccupation with the relationship as well as anxiety that surround their partner’s ability to love them back. These individuals will often refrain from making plans with family or friends because they want to be available in case their partner calls them. Individuals who are anxiously attached often have difficulty setting boundaries and have intense discomfort when it comes to being alone. There is often a fear of abandonment and a sense of being unworthy of love. Anxiously attached individuals will often pair up with avoidantly attached people and experience a constant state of distress, dismissal or invalidation.

Avoidant Attachment: This attachment style often equates romantic intimacy with a loss of independence and may attempt to minimize closeness. This will often develop when a caretaker does not show an appropriate amount of responsiveness. They will oftentimes have trouble committing to relationships and will tend to feel “smothered” by those who are anxiously attached. Avoidant individuals will often terminate relationships more regularly and two avoidantly attached individuals are not likely to generate a spark.

Secure Attachment: The good news is that attachment styles can be healed and individuals can move towards a secure attachment style. Secure romantic attachment consists of providing safety with the use of appropriate boundaries and empathy. They don’t fear being on their own and they manage to have intimate, meaningful and satisfying relationships.

Noteworthy: Oftentimes when an anxiously avoidant person meets a securely attached person, they may mistakenly believe that there is no spark or chemistry as their idea of chemistry is nervous system dysregulation and yearning for relationship safety. When someone provides a safe space for them right off the bat there is often confusion. Anxiously attached individuals feel comfortable with securely attached individuals as they often have the skills to soothe relationship anxiety and be attuned to the needs or behaviour origination of their partners.

WHAT IS PROTEST BEHAVIOUR?

Protest behaviour is any indirect action that is the result of big uncomfortable emotions. We attempt to draw attention to these emotions through passive or aggressive behaviour.  When it comes to the anxiously attached, protest behaviour would be displayed by excessive contact or hanging around places that their partner frequents. When it comes to being avoidantly attached, their protest behaviour consists of prioritizing their independence over their relationship, ignoring contact, and reappearing when it is convenient.

CODEPENDENCY AND ATTACHMENT

Oftentimes two individuals who are in a codependent relationship will not have a strong identity of who they are outside of their relationship and will often take on the thoughts and opinions of the other person. There could be an element of enabling negative behaviour, and there is often a one-sided dynamic within the social and romantic exchange.

ENMESHMENT

Enmeshment is an exchange within a familial or romantic setting where boundaries tend to be permeable or unclear. If one person becomes emotionally escalated, the other will too. Enmeshed children can often develop an avoidant attachment style.

HOW CAN WE HEAL OUR ATTACHMENT STYLE?

• Boundaries work.
• Effective and clear communication.
• Learning from a securely attached person.
• Self-regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness and interpersonal skills (DBT modalities in psychotherapy).
• Recognizing signs and understanding attachment theory.
• Practicing emotional vulnerability with a safe person in a safe space.

By: Stef Wood M.A. R.P. (Qualifying)

If you would like to book with a licensed mental health professional in the province of Ontario who works with attachment styles click here

If you are in need of immediate assistance please present yourself at your local emergency room/crisis centre.

For assistance with inter-partner violence/ abuse please visit:

https://findahelpline.com/ca/on/topics/abuse-domestic-violence

References:

Levine, A., & Heller, R. (2010). Attached: the new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find–and keep–love. Penguin.

Have you been thinking about therapy but don’t know where to begin? Have you tried therapy but it did not seem to work? Here are some tips and tricks to use when shopping for a therapist so you land a mental health professional that is right for you.

THE PROCESS

Finding a therapist that you feel comfortable with can be a process when it comes to meeting your needs and who is also taking on new clients. You do not have to choose the first therapist who is referred to you by a physician or insurance company. In fact, using websites like Psychology Today allows you to read a therapist’s bio to get to know their treatment modalities before initially contacting them. Furthermore, a Google search of therapists in your area allows you to explore prices, location, and the practitioner’s virtual capabilities.

HOW TO CHOOSE A THERAPIST

This checklist provides guidance to ensure that your search includes the necessary components.

•  Reflect on how this decision may have an impact on your life.

Choosing a therapist that doesn’t align with your needs may sway your opinion of therapy. Take note that this person will be a prominent figure in your life that you will share important personal information with. Trust is a key element.

• Your therapist should be licensed.

Many states and provinces in North America are regulated when it comes to the act of providing psychotherapy. In Ontario, your therapist should hold a post-graduate education or master’s degree equivalent in their specialty. As a client, you have to right to ask about your practitioner’s licensure and what colleges or regulatory bodies they are affiliated with. If you search for a regulatory body such as the CRPO, a licensed practitioner in good standing will be listed.

•  Explore insurance coverage or other options.

You may be entitled to benefits covered by your insurance company. It is your responsibility to identify what type of therapist is covered under your benefits. Some companies will cover a wide variety including, but not limited to, psychologists, psychiatrists, MSW’s and RP’s. Be sure to understand the credentials of the individual that sparks your interest.

• No insurance?

Don’t let this discourage you from seeking psychological assistance. Many clinics employ interns who are finishing their post-grad degrees and have secured placements under the watchful eye of a supervisor. The benefits of working with an intern are great. Oftentimes the fees will be MUCH lower and while you may think they are inexperienced, many interns are passionate, conscientious, and very concerned with providing you the best services because, after all, their degree depends on it!

• Shop around.

Many practitioners will offer short free consultations to ensure that your needs are within their scope of practice and that they are the correct fit for you. You should not feel pressured to continue with them during this session in fact, they should encourage you to reflect on your conversation and communicate when you have come to a conclusion.

• Pay attention.

Tap into the intuition and the general vibe you get from your initial meeting. Did they seem kind, nonjudgemental, and compassionate? Did they offer the right amount of information about themselves without making the meeting all about them? Did you feel pushed, guilted, or shamed into scheduling appointments with them? Were they able to answer your questions clearly and concisely? Having clear and transparent communication with your mental health practitioner is important when it comes to your personal growth and mental health development.

OPTIMAL HEALING

In summary, your therapist will play a crucial role in your healing and development so knowing your rights as a client will benefit your time and energy. A good therapist will take confidentiality seriously and hold what you share as sacred. It is their job to look out for your best interests. Note that you have the right to end therapy at any time or table a topic that you don’t feel comfortable talking about. If you want to terminate your sessions for whatever reason, It is a good idea to have this conversation with your therapist and discuss the reasons why you want to discontinue therapy even if it is just a quick phone call or email. According to Sandra Collins and other prominent individuals in the mental health field, the rapport that is built with a therapist is the greatest indicator of therapeutic success.

If you would like to book with a licensed mental health professional in the province of Ontario click here

If you are in need of immediate assistance please present yourself at your local emergency room/crisis centre or call:

• Canada Suicide Prevention Service
• Tel: 1-833-456-4566

By: Stef Wood M.A. R.P. (Qualifying)

References: 

Aron, E. N. (1999). The highly sensitive person’s workbook. Harmony.

Collins, Sandra. (2018) “Embracing Cultural Responsivity and Social Justice.”

You are too much! You aren’t enough! We just don’t know what to do with you! You are way too sensitive! You don’t fit in here! What’s wrong with you?

Sound familiar?

20-30% of the Earth’s people and animals are highly sensitive but don’t confuse this with emotional sensitivity. Throughout evolution, highly sensitive individuals were actually hardwired to process their environment differently to protect and advise the 80% of their tribe that may act impulsively or have a difficult time finding preventative solutions. Our survival as humans is based on a good balance of risk-taking and careful sensory processing. The only issue is, that the world was not created for neurodiverse individuals, and they often find themselves compensating to fit into a world that caters to neurotypical people. This prolonged overstimulation can cause mental fatigue with elevated adrenaline and cortisol levels and over time, this results in prolonged levels of high-stress hormones consequently contributing to physical ailments (Aron, 2013). Elaine Aron’s theory on the highly sensitive person provides an in-depth exploration of common traits that accompany sensory processing sensitivities.

NEURODIVERSITY.

Research supports differences in the structure/function of the brain particularly, the memory processing and sensory integration parts of the brain. There is often high activation in brain regions responsible for empathy, meaning-making, awareness, and unconscious preparation (Acevedo et al., 2014). These differences contribute to altered sensory processing in the autonomic nervous system which are responsible for emotional processing inputs and response outputs. This contributes to the hyperawareness or hypersensitivity experienced among individuals who are HSP’s. Many of these individuals need ample time to recharge their batteries and have a limited capacity for stimulation, social or otherwise.

THE SUPERPOWERS OF THE HSP.

Detail oriented.
Fosters deep one-on-one social connections.
Values others’ emotions.
Passionate and innovative.
Ability to pick up on subtle cues, body language, and micro-expressions.
High ability to empathize.
High emotional awareness of self and others.
Often ideal employees when validated and supported.
Uses psychoanalysis as a survival strategy.

THE CHALLENGES OF THE HSP.

Perfectionistic tendencies.
Succumbs to overstimulation regularly.
Often challenged by surface-level conversation and small talk.
Aversion to violence or suspense.
Aversion to medical situations and experiences high levels of perceived trauma.
People pleasers.
Sensory processing issues with textures, sights, sounds etc.
Often feels invalidated or dismissed.
High anxiety and difficulty returning to homeostasis.
Nighttime is particularly challenging as the day begins to process in the mind.
They have the ability to socially mask however this causes social burnout.

Are you highly sensitive? You can find out in this empirically studied assessment below:

HSP Assessment: https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/

If you would like to book with a licensed mental health professional in the province of Ontario click here

By: Stef Wood M.A., R.P.

Resources:

HSP Website: https://hsperson.com/

HSP Assessment: https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/

Alanis Morissette Youtube documentary: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFphzEcVUNQ

Books:

The Highly Sensitive Person.

The Highly Sensitive Person Workbook.

The Highly Sensitive Parent.

The Highly Sensitive Person in Love.

References:

Acevedo, B., Aron, E., Pospos, S., & Jessen, D. (2018). The functional highly sensitive brain: a review of the brain circuits underlying sensory processing sensitivity and seemingly related disorders. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 373 (1744), 20170161.

Aron, E. N. (2013). The highly sensitive person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms you. Kensington Publishing Corp.

Bridges, D., & Schendan, H. E. (2019). Sensitive individuals are more creative. Personality and Individual Differences, 142, 186-195.

Greven, C. U., Lionetti, F., Booth, C., Aron, E. N., Fox, E., Schendan, H. E., … & Homberg, J. (2019). Sensory processing sensitivity in the context of environmental sensitivity: A critical review and development of research agenda. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 98, 287-305.

Lionetti, F., Aron, A., Aron, E. N., Burns, G. L., Jagiellowicz, J., & Pluess, M. (2018 ), Dandelions, tulips and orchids: evidence for the existence of low-sensitive, medium-sensitive and high-sensitive individuals. Translational Psychiatry, 8(1), 24. doi: 10.1038/s41398-017-0090-6